1 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:03,810 Here I am. 2 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:27,960 Well, happy G .I .s and play. Where's the action? 3 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:29,700 Hey, Bilko. Somebody call me? 4 00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:32,460 You're the baseball expert around here. Well? 5 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,180 I bet you can't answer this question. 6 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,040 I'll answer any question on baseball. 7 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:39,560 Well, here's five bucks says you can't answer this one. Well, sir, I'll just 8 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:40,419 cover that. 9 00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:41,219 Five more? 10 00:00:41,220 --> 00:00:44,360 Glad to do business with you, Andy. Don't forget me. I'll never forget you. 11 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:45,459 All right? 12 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:46,460 What's the question? 13 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,400 How's that go again? 14 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:49,680 Oh, yeah, I got it. 15 00:00:50,060 --> 00:00:51,060 Bases are loaded. 16 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:52,440 None out. 17 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,560 Then there's three clean singles in a row and not a man scores. 18 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:58,040 How? 19 00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:01,000 Bases are loaded. 20 00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:03,160 Yeah. None out. 21 00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:06,840 Yeah. Three clean singles in a row. 22 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,280 Yeah. And not a man scores. 23 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,760 Yeah. It was a girl's baseball team. 24 00:01:12,980 --> 00:01:13,980 Yeah. 25 00:01:21,230 --> 00:01:22,490 my little pool, dollar a ball? 26 00:01:23,790 --> 00:01:28,070 Oh, come on, fellas. Let's have some action around here. This joint is dying 27 00:01:28,070 --> 00:01:29,590 its feet. Come on, let's look alive. 28 00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:32,930 Look, I'm just nutty enough to bet on anything today. Anything. 29 00:01:34,030 --> 00:01:35,270 I'll bet you anything you want. 30 00:01:35,850 --> 00:01:38,050 The next man who walks in here is barefooted. 31 00:01:38,630 --> 00:01:40,030 Barefooted? Anything you want. 32 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:40,729 I'm tired. 33 00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:43,490 I didn't make the bet. What are you worth? 34 00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:46,250 Hey, 35 00:01:46,870 --> 00:01:48,470 take a look at him. He was ready to bet. 36 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,060 So, Wicky, you got any more baseball questions? 37 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:56,000 You just wait, you guys. Bilko will get his. Oh, he's already got his. 38 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,200 And he's got yours, too. 39 00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,380 Hey, get a load of this. 40 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:04,000 We got a new drill sergeant just transferred from Camp Hanley. Master 41 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,440 Quentin Q. Benton. 42 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,080 Quentin Q. Benton? Maybe it's a whack. 43 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,500 Hey, that's a sixth drill sergeant this year. 44 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:14,780 Quentin Q. Benton? He won't stay here long enough to pronounce his name. 45 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,780 Quentin Q. Benton. Can you see him trying to get Bilko to parade? 46 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:23,480 Imitation. This is Sergeant Quentin Q. Benton. Sergeant Bilko, parade. 47 00:02:23,740 --> 00:02:25,100 Quentin Q. Benton. 48 00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:29,780 Hi, 49 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:39,080 welcome to Fort... What do you think, Beast? 50 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,320 A chicken outfit. 51 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:42,700 You men hear that? 52 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,560 Sergeant Benton thinks this is a chicken outfit. 53 00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:47,020 Any questions? 54 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:48,800 Yeah, I got a question. 55 00:02:49,260 --> 00:02:50,500 I'll handle this. 56 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,420 You're not kicking anybody around. Come on, put them on. Hey, what are you 57 00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:56,540 trying to pull at? 58 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:57,800 Hello, you meatballs. 59 00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:01,460 I'm Corporal Krim, the sergeant's special secretary. 60 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:07,480 I'll handle all the little fundraising like dancers and raffles that the 61 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,060 sergeant thinks up. But Sergeant Belko handles things like that around here. 62 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,160 Belko? 63 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,960 Bilko! Where are they? Well, I hear there's some new men on the postage. Oh, 64 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,580 there they are. Well, welcome to Fort Banks. Now you men will want some gifts 65 00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:21,580 send home. 66 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,400 You're very lucky. I just got the... Home and mother pillows. 67 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:30,740 Chalk -filled pine needles. And rock -bottom prices, too. I didn't introduce 68 00:03:30,740 --> 00:03:33,500 myself. I'm Sergeant Bilko. You can call me Ernie. 69 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:40,340 Your friend is a little robust. Well, sir, now that we've learned to trust 70 00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:44,260 other, you might be interested in the only genuine Fort Baxter stationery. If 71 00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:47,440 you'll notice, it's beautifully monogrammed, and it's only $2 a box. 72 00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:51,600 Nice. I'll take one. Here's a quarter. All right. Put... Quarter? 73 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,780 You don't understand. They're worth at least $5 a box. 74 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,660 They are? Here, they're yours for $5. 75 00:03:57,820 --> 00:04:01,340 Well, I'm a little overstocked with them right now. That's all right. I trust 76 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:02,360 you. Handshake? 77 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:04,620 I'd rather pay cash. 78 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:09,900 I hate to have little debts hanging over my head. Well, there's a lesson for you 79 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:13,440 boys. Buy and sell. It's the very lifeblood of the business world. 80 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:20,079 What is it? Does he want to be fed? What? He wants to play pool. 81 00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:23,620 Well, I'd be glad to accommodate you, but I must admit I don't know too much 82 00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:24,599 about the game. 83 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,920 Ten dollars. Eight balls, side pocket. 84 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,420 I'll just cover that bet. 85 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,340 Too bad it missed. 86 00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:38,790 Now, you don't seem to understand. I win that bet. 87 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:42,410 You see, you bet that the eight ball would go into the side pocket, but it 88 00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:46,270 didn't go in. I said eight ball, side pocket. I didn't say it was going to go 89 00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:47,270 in. 90 00:04:47,490 --> 00:04:50,930 Now, you see how he didn't say it was going to go in, and I thought it was 91 00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:51,769 to go in? 92 00:04:51,770 --> 00:04:55,250 And what do we learn from this man? We learn to listen and learn and be alert. 93 00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:57,290 All is not what it seems. Listen. 94 00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:01,150 What is it? Does he want some meat? Quiet. 95 00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:03,149 Quiet, man. 96 00:05:03,150 --> 00:05:06,430 The beast wants to talk. Quiet. He's going to say a few words. Shut up. 97 00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:11,000 Now, here it is. I'm going to say this just once. 98 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,160 Here's what I don't like. 99 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:17,980 I don't like bald -headed guys with big mouths who wear glasses. 100 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:22,160 An honest opinion. I don't say I agree with him, but I'll defend with my life 101 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,160 his right. 102 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:27,980 Here's what I like. 103 00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:32,360 Here's what he likes. Make notes, men. This is what he likes. I like being a 104 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,380 drill sergeant. 105 00:05:33,610 --> 00:05:36,410 I like to drill guys until their tongues hang out. 106 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,390 I like to see them crawling through the mud. I like to see them getting their 107 00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:43,210 faces scratched and sleeping all night out in the rain. 108 00:05:43,470 --> 00:05:45,490 Funny, but that's the way I am. 109 00:05:45,750 --> 00:05:49,310 That's the way he is. Some men like women, he likes fellas scratched up. 110 00:05:51,290 --> 00:05:52,590 I'll see you at drill. 111 00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:56,400 Crumbs. I've had enough. Let me... Paparelli, I'm surprised at you. 112 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:57,640 Resorting to force. 113 00:05:57,780 --> 00:05:58,780 Sarge, he's a brute. 114 00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:02,020 Sarge, what are we going to do? Do what? What do we have to do? What? 115 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:03,560 Sarge, are you afraid of him? 116 00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:06,840 I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that. 117 00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:08,840 Afraid of him, indeed. 118 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:12,360 Because I show a little perceptiveness, does that mean I'm afraid because I'm 119 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,420 tolerant? Because I'm trying to see things from his point of view? 120 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:20,800 Now, gentlemen, let's review this. A man walks in here, obviously antagonistic. 121 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:24,730 He talks too loud. He bangs or squeezes too hard. 122 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:29,110 To me, an obvious display of massive inferiority complex. 123 00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:33,370 And it manifests itself in the Freudian theory of inner regret. 124 00:06:34,510 --> 00:06:37,810 Now, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, Pat Bradley, because you don't. 125 00:06:37,910 --> 00:06:39,270 You don't know about the debate? 126 00:06:39,470 --> 00:06:43,650 Oh, this all came out in a debate that Freud had with Spinoza many years ago in 127 00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:46,770 Budapest. You read this. You didn't... 128 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:48,960 Tremendous! Tremendous! 129 00:06:49,380 --> 00:06:54,240 Freud came out with the Bernhardt theory that man and the inner man, when there 130 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:58,500 is an obvious submersion of the libido into the id section, you will find a 131 00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,500 regression. 132 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:05,080 Freud definitely points out that in the alter ego, when there is an Oedipus 133 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:09,200 complex which is prevalent, you will see that the man who shows sadistic 134 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,540 tendencies, aggression will also submerge into the cocoon of being 135 00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:14,760 from the entire soul. 136 00:07:16,650 --> 00:07:20,170 Freud in his search for knowledge. Oh, this is way before the search for Bridie 137 00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:25,630 Murphy. He had the... He knew this. He knew that the it complex will manifest 138 00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:28,990 itself with an outburst of bedroom of guilt. And there you have the libido 139 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,450 intertwined with the it complex. 140 00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:34,430 Intertwined with the heterogeneous sections A. Heterogeneous sections B. 141 00:07:34,430 --> 00:07:37,610 came... Oh, Spinoza denied this. Oh, he screamed. 142 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,280 Didn't do him any good. Because there's a theory brought right out here. We have 143 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:47,040 a man showing in a rejection in this very room a few moments ago. He walked 144 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,640 with this massive aggressiveness. 145 00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:52,920 It looks on the surface he's sadistic, but it isn't that at all. It's just his 146 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,020 desire saying, I'm not so big. 147 00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:56,260 I am little. 148 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,820 That's what he's saying. He wants to be loved. 149 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:02,620 He shows it, but he hides it. That's his whole quest. 150 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:08,000 He wants to be loved. It's his way of saying, love me. 151 00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:13,870 How can we get rid of the creeper? 152 00:08:18,590 --> 00:08:22,490 Now, this is Sergeant Benton's bunk. The torture chamber. 153 00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:25,790 You got the rocks in the right place? Yeah. Good. 154 00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:30,030 Now, is this the hardest mattress you could get? Hey, Sarge, do I have to 155 00:08:30,030 --> 00:08:33,490 under here? Of course. You're the loudest snore in the whole platoon. We 156 00:08:33,490 --> 00:08:34,990 you. We need that snorius. And look. 157 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:39,120 Every hour, on the hour, you have a nightmare. You scream, you kick, you 158 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,280 Right? Okay. 159 00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:43,700 And when it comes to me complaining, I'll try to be reasonable. I'll say, 160 00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:46,160 Sergeant Benton, these are army regulations. 161 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:50,380 It's the only bunk open. If my hands are tied, I'll say them. Of course, 162 00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:53,360 Sergeant Benton, I'll say, if you wish to be transferred. 163 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,780 Here he comes, Sarge. All right, boys, look alive. We have a guest. 164 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,100 Well, Sergeant Benton, this is your bunk. Hey, Sarge, look. 165 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:00,580 An honest mistake. 166 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:07,030 I would like to point out, sir, that I... Those are my clothes, of course. I 167 00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:11,890 feel that it is my fault that you got this place on the bunk. I feel that in 168 00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:16,230 army regulations... Yes, of course. I feel that if you feel that you're not 169 00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:20,270 comfortable enough, well, it is my fault army regulations say that the first 170 00:09:20,270 --> 00:09:24,140 bunk open a man gets. Now, I would rather you have what you want, but... As 171 00:09:24,140 --> 00:09:27,900 can see, my hands are tied. I want you to be just where you feel that you 172 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:32,900 be. However, well, yet they are a little gaudy. All right. I feel that if you 173 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:35,540 feel... Oh, this is you as a boy. Very lovely. 174 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,260 I don't know why. 175 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:41,920 Why they make these rules, but those are the rules that... But there's one thing 176 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,820 I must consist on. Watch that. 177 00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:46,540 You will water those geraniums, won't you? 178 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:52,040 Take these things and get out of here. Get out? Well, I'm sure if you want to 179 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:55,680 privately concerned for a moment, that's all right with me. But believe me, my 180 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,840 hands are tied. I don't want you in that upper bunk. It's just that was the only 181 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,320 bunk open. And if they're going to react that way, believe me, I don't... I 182 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,320 don't... Here. 183 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:07,920 You take the upper bunk and if I catch you snoring... What happened, Sarge? 184 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:10,680 happened? What? What happened? What do you mean, what happened? What? You're 185 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,860 going to let him get away with it? Get away with... Don't you fellas ever 186 00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:14,900 understand anything? 187 00:10:15,610 --> 00:10:17,930 I convinced him to have my room. Don't you see that? 188 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:21,070 Don't you recognize he's going through a cocoon period? 189 00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:26,430 Freud definitely says that when a man is rejected from society in his mind and 190 00:10:26,430 --> 00:10:29,190 the frustrations within, he will withdraw from the world. 191 00:10:29,740 --> 00:10:33,660 Oh, if I didn't see this with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it. Somebody 192 00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:36,080 have spread some breadcrumbs around. The pigeons are back. 193 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,580 Oh, it's pathetic. Philco ain't even putting up a fight. 194 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:39,819 Do you mind? 195 00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:43,160 Do you mind if I like to see a man as comfortable since he's only going to be 196 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,900 here for a week? Oh, he's going to be gone in a week. Gone and forgotten. 197 00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:51,000 Would you like to make a little bet on that? Oh, you insist on throwing your 198 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:51,699 money away. 199 00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:53,100 I'll throw $20. 200 00:10:53,850 --> 00:10:56,250 All righty, we'll just cover that, Rocco. Me too. I'm in. 201 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:59,570 You ask for it, there it is, and he'll be out of here in a week. 202 00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:01,710 One week. Gone and forgotten. 203 00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:03,370 Oh, that I gotta see. 204 00:11:05,610 --> 00:11:07,530 Hey, Sarge. Sarge, are you crazy? 205 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:11,490 He's a monster. You can't out -talk him because he don't hear you. True, boys. 206 00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:13,090 He's a brute. He's a hunk. 207 00:11:13,430 --> 00:11:16,410 But all we gotta do is get him to think. To think? 208 00:11:16,690 --> 00:11:20,050 To think. We gotta lull him into a false sense of security. 209 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,640 We'll throw him a party. 210 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,120 Boys, 211 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,800 boys, you continually doubt me. 212 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,720 Believe me, it's a small brain it has. 213 00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:32,720 It takes a long time for it to warm up, but we've got to reach that brain. We've 214 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:33,820 got to start him to think. 215 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,920 Once he starts to think, there'll be nothing but a shattered shell. 216 00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:41,040 Think. That's what we've got to do. 217 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,620 How's your steak, Sergeant Benton? 218 00:11:44,860 --> 00:11:46,380 You can call me Beast. 219 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,980 He said I can call him Beast. He's accepted me. 220 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:53,760 Men, we made the right decision. I'm glad we did it. 221 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,059 Did what? 222 00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:56,060 Did what? 223 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,400 Sergeant, what do you figure you're worth? 224 00:11:59,540 --> 00:12:02,500 Worth? Yes, in dollars and cents. What do you feel you're worth? 225 00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:04,359 I don't know. 226 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,360 We know. 227 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,640 You do? Yes, sir. We figure you're worth $100 ,000. 228 00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:13,840 You figure I'm worth $100 ,000? Sitting there calmly eating your steak, you're 229 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,680 worth $100 ,000. Who says so? 230 00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:19,040 This says so. What's that? 231 00:12:19,580 --> 00:12:23,580 An insurance policy in your name for $100 ,000. The boys want the world to 232 00:12:23,580 --> 00:12:24,559 what they think of you. 233 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:25,740 $100 ,000? 234 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,320 Not everybody can say that, can they? 235 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:31,160 Yeah, but my old man said I wouldn't amount to nothing. 236 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:37,140 There it is, black and white. $100 ,000 insured for Sergeant Quentin Q. 237 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,200 Penton. Oh, I forgot. 238 00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:42,260 You gotta pass the insurance physical exam first. 239 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,800 I never flunked a physical in my life. Oh, fine, Mr. 240 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,620 Crawford. The insurance man is waiting at the doctor's office. 241 00:12:49,230 --> 00:12:51,070 Out of my way. Sarge, well? 242 00:12:51,410 --> 00:12:53,570 He's not thinking yet. He's not thinking yet. 243 00:12:56,050 --> 00:13:00,590 Hey, beastie baby, baby boy. Mr. Crawford, you could insure him for a 244 00:13:00,790 --> 00:13:02,730 Well, he's the strongest man I've ever seen. 245 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:06,210 Here you are. You sign right here, Sergeant Patton. Yeah. 246 00:13:06,830 --> 00:13:08,570 A hundred thousand bucks, eh? 247 00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,690 That's one T in Benton. 248 00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:11,930 Thanks. 249 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:13,760 Thank you. 250 00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:17,780 Now, Sergeant Bilko. Yes, indeedy. Sign right here, please. Right there. Why 251 00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,620 does he have to sign? He's the beneficiary. 252 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:26,000 Now, I'll take a look at those records, please. Fine, fine. Rocco, Henshaw. 253 00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:28,640 Second beneficiary. Third beneficiary. 254 00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:32,740 What's a beneficiary? Oh, don't you worry a pretty little head about it. 255 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:36,920 I mean, we just, you know, we just put up the money. It cost us $60 for the 256 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:37,679 first month. 257 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:40,480 After all, we're your benefactors. Beastie, baby, my. 258 00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:47,410 Sarge, he's going all over the post telling everybody he's worth a hundred 259 00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,890 grand. Yes, Sarge. When is he going to start thinking? 260 00:13:50,170 --> 00:13:53,890 Rocco, baby, patience, patience. This is a small brain. 261 00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:59,610 Takes a long time to warm up, but once the thoughts start getting to it, pow, a 262 00:13:59,610 --> 00:14:00,609 nervous wreck. 263 00:14:00,610 --> 00:14:03,770 Make way for a hundred thousand bucks. 264 00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:08,290 Hey, beastie baby, don't move so fast you lose weight. After all, you're worth 265 00:14:08,290 --> 00:14:09,970 $500 a pound. 266 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,330 $500 a pound. Have big mouths. 267 00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:15,430 Where's Krim? He's inside. 268 00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:17,310 He doesn't know about it yet. No, he don't. 269 00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:20,850 Hiya, Beast. 270 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:24,710 Hiya. What are you so happy about? Did you see somebody get run over by a 271 00:14:25,290 --> 00:14:30,550 Krim, what would you say if you had the honor of meeting a guy who was insured 272 00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:32,070 for a hundred thousand bucks? 273 00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:34,930 What'd I say? I'd say I'd like to be his beneficiary. 274 00:14:37,450 --> 00:14:39,470 Beneficiary? Why the beneficiary? 275 00:14:39,730 --> 00:14:43,070 Well, because the beneficiary gets the hundred grand when the guy dies. 276 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,380 He's starting to think. 277 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,720 Of course, that's for a natural death. If the guy has an accident or gets 278 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:56,660 killed, that's called double indemnity and the beneficiary gets $200 ,000. 279 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,560 Yeah? Oh, he's thinking like crazy now. 280 00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:05,680 Boy, you sure got this post by the ears. 281 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,780 You're the sixth drill sergeant this place has had this year. 282 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,720 Yeah? Not one of them lasted more than a week. 283 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,500 Yeah, Bilko took care of them. 284 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,360 Yeah? 285 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:20,760 Yeah. What happened to them? How did they die? 286 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,540 Die? I don't know. Did they? 287 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,060 Hey, Beastie, are you worried about something? 288 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:29,940 Me? Absolutely not a thing to worry about. I'm in fine shape. Hiya, Beastie 289 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,000 Stay away from me. What's the matter? 290 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,600 Nothing. Why? 291 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,980 I don't know. Maybe it's the light you're in. You look a little... Oh, a 292 00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:38,980 hot soup and you're gonna feel fine. 293 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,160 I made it myself. Come on, Beastie boy. Have them. 294 00:15:43,690 --> 00:15:45,130 I feel absolutely great. 295 00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:47,670 Doctor said I was the finest specimen he ever saw. 296 00:15:47,910 --> 00:15:49,030 I should live to be 110. 297 00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:50,870 Oh, you live to be 150. 298 00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:54,070 Eat your soup, old man in the mountain. 299 00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:58,750 I guess I'm a lot healthier than those other sergeants you had around here. 300 00:15:58,970 --> 00:16:02,530 With them, it was accidental, but they like my soup. 301 00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:07,910 Have some of it, pal. I want you to have some of it. Why, we're going to see to 302 00:16:07,910 --> 00:16:08,910 it that you live forever. 303 00:16:09,450 --> 00:16:11,230 Forever? In our hearts. 304 00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:16,130 Have your soup, pal. After all, we can't have $200 ,000 worth of soldier fading 305 00:16:16,130 --> 00:16:17,130 away. 306 00:16:18,050 --> 00:16:20,410 Why are you so anxious I should eat that soup? 307 00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:24,290 Anxious? I'm not anxious. Just a little midnight snack. I prepared it myself. 308 00:16:24,470 --> 00:16:25,970 You taste it. Me? 309 00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:27,610 I already ate. 310 00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:32,390 You second beneficiary. You taste it. No, thanks. Give me heat cups. 311 00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:34,010 You taste it. No, no, no. 312 00:16:34,230 --> 00:16:36,410 I'll taste it. No, no, no. You crazy. 313 00:16:36,670 --> 00:16:37,670 Get out of here. 314 00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:41,910 Come on, Beastie boy, every little spoonful. 315 00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,210 Yeah, I know you don't. 316 00:16:43,690 --> 00:16:47,790 Why did you do that for? Now look, that grass won't grow back for a year. 317 00:16:49,890 --> 00:16:52,810 When it does grow back, I ain't gonna be underneath it. 318 00:16:54,030 --> 00:16:57,850 Beastie, if you don't mind my saying, you look a little frightened or scared. 319 00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:03,020 Scared? I ain't scared of nobody, and mostly I ain't scared of you, you 320 00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:06,720 understand? Beastie, baby boy, what's happening to your pal? 321 00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:10,180 You mustn't be scared of any, especially your beneficiary. 322 00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:16,099 I'm your pal, pal, your beneficiary. Of course, if you don't like me... Wait, I 323 00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:22,260 like you. It's just maybe I've been thinking too much. That may be it. Get a 324 00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:22,979 little rest. 325 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:25,359 You know, maybe I had you all wrong, ain't he? 326 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,440 Boys! 327 00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:29,180 Beast wants to save you tonight. 328 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,250 Good night, fellas. 329 00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:32,850 Goodbye, beast. 330 00:17:35,310 --> 00:17:37,950 Oh, that's nothing. Just a slip of the tongue. 331 00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:39,690 Hiya, crazy eyes boy. 332 00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:46,410 Oh, I'm glad. 333 00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:48,570 I'm glad you noticed him. 334 00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,610 I meant to tell you about him. I'm glad you found out for yourself. 335 00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:55,530 Watch out for him. You see, if he comes at you during the night, just take away 336 00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:56,770 the bayonet from him. That's all. 337 00:17:57,879 --> 00:18:01,520 Yeah, you see, he still thinks he's back in the South Pacific. We're kind of 338 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,240 proud of him in the medical corps. He's the only guy that dreams in Japanese. 339 00:18:05,820 --> 00:18:09,380 Yeah, he's got that... He's a... He's American. 340 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,720 American man. He with us. American. 341 00:18:13,060 --> 00:18:15,940 You see, I got nothing to worry about. He gives you plenty of water. 342 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,160 You know what I mean? 343 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:22,700 Now, before he lunges, before he lunges, he'll always yell, You listen for that. 344 00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:26,190 Bonsai. That'll give you time to prepare yourself and take the bayonet away from 345 00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:29,690 you. Other than that, he's harmless. Just watch out for that bonsai. 346 00:18:30,570 --> 00:18:31,570 Thank you, Tom. 347 00:18:38,610 --> 00:18:39,610 Bonsai! 348 00:18:41,650 --> 00:18:44,790 Did you hear that? 349 00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:46,650 Yeah. What did that sound like? 350 00:18:47,110 --> 00:18:48,290 Bonsai. Good boy. 351 00:18:48,510 --> 00:18:52,420 The last guy who was here... He thought he heard bird's eye. He got cut from 352 00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:53,420 eating it. 353 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:55,480 All right, pal. 354 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:56,680 You're okay. 355 00:18:57,260 --> 00:19:00,320 You got nothing, nothing at all to worry about. 356 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,120 Sure, 357 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,300 I... I ain't got nothing to worry about. I... 358 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,240 How'd you sleep, Sarge? Like a baby. 359 00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:27,960 Hey, Sarge, what's going on in there? 360 00:19:28,340 --> 00:19:29,740 Thinking. All night. 361 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:31,160 Thinking. 362 00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:37,660 Who is it? 363 00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:40,100 It's just me, Big Mouth. 364 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:41,300 Oh. 365 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:43,120 Are you alone? 366 00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:45,620 Oh, I just got one of the boys with me. 367 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,720 Just a minute. 368 00:19:51,950 --> 00:19:52,950 Beastie boy! 369 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,190 I'll get a little hot breakfast for you. 370 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,250 Crazy eyes. 371 00:19:57,590 --> 00:19:58,590 He made it for himself. 372 00:20:00,010 --> 00:20:03,230 Get that in you, pal. 373 00:20:03,530 --> 00:20:04,309 I ain't hungry. 374 00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:05,310 You're not hungry. 375 00:20:05,990 --> 00:20:07,750 Beastie baby, you got us worried. 376 00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:10,830 What do you mean? Well, the boys in the platoon are talking. They say the whole 377 00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:12,790 platoon is cracking up because you're going soft. 378 00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:16,590 I ain't going soft. I ain't afraid of nobody. That's the old Beastie baby we 379 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:19,310 know. Come on in and whip this platoon right into shape. 380 00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:20,810 All right, I'll show them. 381 00:20:21,830 --> 00:20:22,830 All right, men. 382 00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,210 Now, here it is. Present arms. 383 00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:26,570 Halt! 384 00:20:28,390 --> 00:20:30,530 Beastie, what's the matter, baby boy? 385 00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:33,690 What's the matter? These guys gone crazy? What's the matter with you 386 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:38,010 said present arms. I didn't say aim and fire. Oh, you, you bad soldiers. Never 387 00:20:38,010 --> 00:20:39,030 aim at anybody, understand? 388 00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:40,590 Never aim at anybody. 389 00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:44,550 There's nothing to worry about, though. Those rifles are not loaded. 390 00:20:44,770 --> 00:20:45,890 Put those rifles down. 391 00:20:47,790 --> 00:20:49,090 It was all a mistake. 392 00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,110 It was a mistake, Beastie boy. 393 00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:53,370 terrible mistake they made. 394 00:20:58,070 --> 00:21:01,350 Beast, you can't go on like this for a whole week. Now you haven't eaten, you 395 00:21:01,350 --> 00:21:03,190 haven't slept, you haven't left the room. 396 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,430 I ain't afraid of anybody. 397 00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:07,850 Well, it's just because Bilko shot his mouth off and said you'd be gone and 398 00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,090 forgotten in a week. A week? 399 00:21:09,610 --> 00:21:10,610 Today's the last day. 400 00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:14,130 Today's the last day of the week. If I can just lay low for today, then nothing 401 00:21:14,130 --> 00:21:15,270 will happen to me. I'll be sick. 402 00:21:15,670 --> 00:21:17,110 I ain't letting nobody in. 403 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:18,810 It's the colonel, Beast. 404 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:21,030 Oh, the colonel. I have to let him in. Oh. 405 00:21:21,370 --> 00:21:22,370 Let's take this away. 406 00:21:27,990 --> 00:21:28,990 Colonel Hall? 407 00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:33,270 Benton, you came here with a reputation as a tough drill sergeant. 408 00:21:33,890 --> 00:21:37,070 Now, what's happened? You've been here for a week, and this platoon hasn't even 409 00:21:37,070 --> 00:21:38,069 been out of the barracks. 410 00:21:38,070 --> 00:21:41,110 Oh, sir, we do march to the mess hall up and back every day. Quiet! 411 00:21:42,630 --> 00:21:46,350 Benton, I order you to take them out today. I want to hear the rifle firing. 412 00:21:46,730 --> 00:21:49,230 And you will, sir. All we want is a chance, sir. 413 00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:54,600 That's an order, Benton. 414 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,000 Get out of this barracks and in front of those men. 415 00:21:58,340 --> 00:21:59,340 In front of those men? 416 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:01,500 That's an order. 417 00:22:02,780 --> 00:22:03,780 Yes, sir. 418 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,760 Fisty baby boy, when do we start? 419 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,380 I'll be right with you. All righty. 420 00:22:13,180 --> 00:22:16,360 Go. Are you crazy? The colonel is in on it, too. 421 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,780 Am I? 422 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,150 Today's the day. Today's the day I'm supposed to get it. 423 00:22:24,590 --> 00:22:26,030 He's really thinking now. 424 00:22:26,590 --> 00:22:28,230 Beast, it's all in your mind. 425 00:22:28,790 --> 00:22:29,790 Is it? 426 00:22:30,310 --> 00:22:32,750 Paparelli and Doberman are out there picking flowers. 427 00:22:33,930 --> 00:22:37,130 Beast, maybe you ought to go and have a talk with the chaplain. 428 00:22:37,730 --> 00:22:40,330 Yeah, the chaplain. Why didn't I think of that before? 429 00:22:40,630 --> 00:22:41,569 Where's my hat? 430 00:22:41,570 --> 00:22:44,370 He's going to go see the chaplain. Sarge, the chaplain will give everything 431 00:22:44,370 --> 00:22:45,970 away. Not if I get there first. 432 00:22:46,230 --> 00:22:47,650 Positions be like I told him. 433 00:22:58,220 --> 00:22:58,779 Hi, fellas. 434 00:22:58,780 --> 00:23:00,140 Hi, Beast. Hi, Beast. 435 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,840 You fellas know where the chaplain is on this post? 436 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,520 Yeah, the other side of the parade ground. 437 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,640 Thanks, Al. Would you like me to show you? 438 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,860 No, no thanks. I think I can find it. 439 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,240 Sergeant, would you mind holding this up to your head there? That's it. 440 00:23:22,620 --> 00:23:24,520 Make it six foot five. 441 00:23:26,220 --> 00:23:27,420 With silver hair. 442 00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:35,960 Hello, Beast. 443 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:37,320 Hiya, Beast. 444 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,200 Hiya, fellas. 445 00:23:45,540 --> 00:23:46,540 Yes, 446 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,900 Captain, I wrote the boys' folks, and I think everything's going to be all 447 00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:54,879 right. 448 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:55,880 You're quite welcome. 449 00:23:56,910 --> 00:24:01,030 So now you're a reporter on the Post newspaper, right? Yes, chaplain. Too 450 00:24:01,030 --> 00:24:03,830 I've lived in the world of make -believe. Now I want the facts, sir. 451 00:24:04,070 --> 00:24:07,390 Facts? Yes. You know the wonderful speech you made, that farewell speech 452 00:24:07,390 --> 00:24:10,290 Sergeant McMahon got his discharge and he got into the Air Force? 453 00:24:10,550 --> 00:24:13,750 It really wasn't much of a speech. Oh, it was wonderful, and I'm going to put 454 00:24:13,750 --> 00:24:15,750 on the front page, sir. I'm meeting a deadline. 455 00:24:16,050 --> 00:24:20,750 If I remember correctly, it went this way. This is a sad occasion. This is a 456 00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:26,730 occasion. Saying farewell to a soldier is always a sad and trying thing. 457 00:24:27,570 --> 00:24:33,370 Although he was with us only a short while, we grew to love him and will 458 00:24:33,370 --> 00:24:34,370 his memory. 459 00:24:36,270 --> 00:24:41,910 But let us console ourselves with a thought that although we'll miss him 460 00:24:41,910 --> 00:24:47,170 here, by tomorrow he'll be up there soaring high. 461 00:24:50,700 --> 00:24:53,620 You want any more? No, no, that's fine. That's fine. I got it all I want, and 462 00:24:53,620 --> 00:24:56,020 thank you. It serves... Thank you very much, chaplain. Bilko. 463 00:24:56,340 --> 00:24:57,340 Sir? 464 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,100 I have a feeling I've just been taken. 465 00:25:01,940 --> 00:25:04,840 Taken? Chaplain. Would I do anything like that to you, sir? 466 00:25:05,060 --> 00:25:06,060 Yes. 467 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,240 All right, where is he? Where is he? Sarge! Sarge, you missed it. He came in 468 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,980 here, picked up his gear, and then him and that corporal took off. Man, they 469 00:25:13,980 --> 00:25:15,560 must be halfway to the next post, finally. 470 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,240 Banzai! 471 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,900 It gives me a lesson to you guys when it comes between a battle between brains 472 00:25:22,900 --> 00:25:24,540 and brawn. Dead on brains. 473 00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:33,600 Beast was played by George Matthews. 474 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,900 Corporal Crim was Don Hanmer.